The last couple days have been really bad days for me. I am emotionally drained. I was feeling so good. Now I feel slightly defeated. I am only going to say slightly because I am trying to stay in the mindset that just because there is a bump in the road it doesn’t mean I can give up. I made myself a promise. Bad days are going to come. I have to accept that. But I also am learning I have to figure out the issue instead of just pushing through it.
This is all so new for me. I don’t face my issues head on like this. This is not something that’s ever really worked for me. I’m what some might call a procrastinator 😮 So I usually start things and never finish them. I dwell on the negative and forget about the things that make me happy. Its like I am hardwired to automatically think like that. So that’s the habit I am trying to break. I want to surround myself with happiness. I want to set goals. I just want to be me…..
I am on this journey to find out who I am and who I want to truly be. I can’t let anything stand in my way. The last couple days I’ve allowed myself to get in my head about all the things that can go wrong. But this time what I did was allowed myself to think it through. I think about the worth I’m putting into overthinking it then I try and move on with it by replacing it with a thought about my future and what I want my end game to be. That’s the place I want to be. The place I know I can get to if I put in the hard work required. I don’t want to give up this time. I am 38 and I’ve already lived such a crazy life, it’s time to slow it down a little and enjoy the little things.
Every time I sit down and write I feel alive. I feel like all the crazy thoughts in my head are calmed. I can put my thoughts down, essentially, put them into some kind of crazy order 🤣 When I am feeling down I can write but I also want to create. I have big dreams about where my life is going and instead of feeling so damn sad about it all the time I am putting all my effort into moving forward and turning my dark space into a place of light. A place where I can be me…..the me I’m supposed to be.
This sounded like a rant……………..didn’t it?
Not sure if I really can figure out how my brain works, maybe it’s about figuring out how I want it to work and what I want to use it for?????