I have always grown up believing that depression or anxiety were made up things for people to get out of living in the real world or taking responsibility for things or actions. It was always a very taboo subject in our family. No one really discussed heath or medical issues. I mean my dad will avoid going to see a doctor at all costs. Its like no one wants to accept that they may be in poor health so it gets swept under the rug.
Depression and anxiety did end up hitting our family, hard! Our daughter was going through some issues and when we finally got to the bottom of it she was diagnosed with server depression and anxiety. She was cutting herself! I mean really? Could this actually be happening? Does depression or anxiety really work like that? It comes out of nowhere? With no warning signs? How can I believe this? I’ts actually a real thing after all?
The answer is YES! All of the above. I never imagined how bad it could actually be. My daughter went through things I’ve only heard about in the movies. It was almost unreal. She was cutting herself to “feel” again. I raised her! How did I not notice this? Was I a bad mother? As I said before my family never faced anything outwardly like this so how was I going to explain this to them? I had a hard time understanding so I knew they would definitely not understand nor would they know how to help.
We spoke with our doctor and decided to go the medication route to see if it would help. She had turned into such an introvert is was not our daughter. She stayed home, cried all the time, was angry and emotional all the time. It seemed like I had lost her so I had to do something fast! I had my reservations about the medication but we went ahead with it. Turns out she had to go through some rough times with trying out meds until she found the ones that actually worked. It was awful, she would get massive headaches and cramps. It was hard to watch her go through it. During this time we went through some rough times. I was forced to take a look at my own personal mental health issues. I did so much research for our daughter that I started to identify my own issues that of course because of how I was raised I never really looked at. I had many issues and of course I started to question why I had never thought of talking to someone about them.
Can anxiety and depression be hereditary? Did this happen to our daughter because of me? Her biological father also has these issues. Is this something that runs in the family? I started going dark places thinking this was all my fault. Because I never looked at my own issues I have now made this impossible situation for my own daughter. How could this have happened?
The truth is, its too hard to look back and figure out where it all went wrong. The best thing for both myself, and my daughter, is to try and move forward in a positive way. We are now both on medication. We are talking to each other more. We are telling each other when we need a minute or when we need personal time to calm our thoughts. We are learning new coping skills from one another as well. I’ts amazing how alike we actually are. I’ts brought us closer together which is helping me with all the guilt I carry about how it all ended up this way. We are moving forward. Its going to be a long journey but as long as we are on it together we will make it through.
If I didn’t believe in depression or anxiety before in life, I truly do now. I want to be more aware. I want to share our experiences with you and hopefully help just one other person along their journey because we all need to start being there for one another. We are all going through things and all it takes is someone to show you who you truly are and that you are worth fighting for. Life is always a work in progress……………
What makes you believe?